My room was spacious and well-furnished, a contemporary design with touches of the history of the Scottish Highlands. The bed was large, four-poster with a downy comforter that I wanted to crawl under and sleep forever.

As I stepped into the room, I saw French doors on the opposite wall.

“That leads out to a small balcony,” Fiona said.

I startled, completely forgetting she was with me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. You're probably tired. Why don't I leave you to unpack and lie down for a bit. I'll come back when Callum returns and we can all have dinner together. Does that sound all right?”

Her Irish brogue soothed something deep inside me and I couldn’t help but smile. “That sounds perfect. Thank you, Fiona.” 

She took my hands in hers. “I'm so glad to have you here, Ms. Jameson.”

Jameson? My new name. Of course. How could I have forgotten.

“Laurel,” I said, unable to hear the false last name Miller had given me. “Please, call me Laurel.” That much at least wasn’t a lie.

“What a beautiful Irish name,” she said, smiling. “See, it’s as if you were meant to be here in the Highlands and the hills of Laucherfield.” She stared at me for several seconds before finally releasing my hands. “Well, get some rest, dear.” Without another word, she turned and quietly left my room.

I stared at the comfortable bed that beckoned me. As much as I wanted to sleep, I knew it would elude me. Why bother.

I walked toward the French doors and pushed them open. A cool breeze washed over my face and I sucked in a breath. I’d have to get used to this cooler weather.

Stepping out onto the small terrace, I glanced over the stone balcony. My room was on the second floor but it was much higher from the ground. I gazed out at the surrounding land. The Lauchlan estate was vast and grand, and breathtaking.

I’d grown up in Texas but lived in the city all my life. Even though I’d seen pastures and vast fields, I'd never seen a countryside like this.

For as far as the eye could see, there was nothing but rolling fields with so many varying shades of green I couldn’t even count them. From my room I could see the winding river, the sound of the rushing water soothing my weary soul.

Glancing back at the fields I thought of Annemarie and my recurring dream. She always enjoyed running in the grass, rolling down large hills. She would love this place. The thought suddenly made me tired and I walked back inside the room, closing the doors behind me.

Kicking off my shoes, I pulled back the covers and climbed onto the bed, afraid to fall asleep. My eyes fluttered close and I gripped the pillow tight, preparing for my accent into Purgatory…

“Look bitch, you can’t keep me from seeing my daughter,” my ex-husband yelled through the phone.

My hand shook as I pulled the receiver from my ear. I drew in a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. Glancing down, I saw Annmarie clutching my leg, pressing her small face against my jean-clad thigh. She was scared, petrified, and honestly so was I.

Kevin and I dated in college. Just a few months into our relationship I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to keep the baby, Kevin didn’t. For some stupid reason we decided to marry. As if that would magically fix everything.

A year later I discovered not only was he doing drugs, he was also dealing on campus. I’d immediately filed for divorce, and custody of Annemarie. It had cost me a swimming scholarship to one of the nation’s top ranked colleges, but I wouldn’t have changed my decision. Even now, fighting with Kevin, I knew Annemarie was the one thing in the world I’d done right.

Unfortunately, Kevin’s drug use had only worsened over the four years since Annemarie had been born. Now I genuinely feared for her safety, and mine. Allowing the court-ordered visits with Kevin every week was terrifying. He was so out of control. I never knew what he might do with her. Or to her.

Most times Kevin was too high to want to take her. But for some reason, today was the day he wanted to enforce his rights.

“Look Kevin,” I said, trying to remain calm, “why don’t you wait until this weekend, Annmarie is headed out to a friend’s house for the afternoon and both the girls will be disappointed if she has to cancel.”

I was hoping if he knew Annmarie would be disappointed, he’d change his mind, but who was I kidding. Disappointing both of us was all he had done since Annmarie was born.

“I’m coming over there right now and there’s nothing you can do about it,” he shouted.

“Kevin, are you high?”

“It’s none of you fucking business. She’s my daughter, too, and I’ve got every right to see her.”

My gut told me this was not a good day for him, obviously he was easily agitated. But I knew he was vindictive enough to call the police and report my failure to follow through with the child visitation order. That would only result in Annemarie being caught in the middle. I needed to calm him down.

“Look, Kevin, why don’t you let me bring her to you so you don’t have to drive.” At least I could keep Annmarie out of the car of a drunk, high man. There was a long pause on the phone and I held my breath. “Please,” I prayed silently.

“Fine. But be here in an hour.” The phone went dead and I swallowed down the fear.

After I gathered a few things for Annmarie, I strapped her in the car seat and drove to Kevin’s trailer. Pulling up in front of his home, a sick feeling rolled in my stomach.

Kevin lived in a seedy part of town, probably to be closer to his druggie friends and customers. He’d once been a brilliant computer programmer, writing code for companies around the world. But the years of severe drug use had fried his brain. Now he lived in the slums. I was scared to even drive through the neighborhood.

My intent was to drop Annmarie off then pull down the road to keep an eye on them. I had to make sure he didn’t put her in his car and driveaway.

“Please Mommy, don’t make me go,” Annmarie pleaded. “I hate him. He stinks. He has weird friends come over. And he doesn’t love me.”

I was so tempted to turn the car around and leave but I knew I was in the wrong if I didn’t let Kevin visit his daughter. And as much as the police would agree, there was nothing they could do unless Annemarie was in any danger. Pointing out that his house was basically a seedy den for meth users made no difference to cops. Sometimes the law held innocent people captive.

I turned and stared at her over the seat. “Sweetie, I know, you’re right, but if Mommy doesn’t let Daddy see you then I will go to jail. And if I go to jail, he’ll get custody of you.” God, I hated having to be so frank with her at such a young age. With a drug addict for a father, she’d had to grow up faster than I’d ever intended.

Swallowing down my fear, I watched her clutch at her stuffed animal close to her chest. Annemarie looked so safe strapped into her car seat. I didn’t want to let her go.

“Annemarie?” I called softly.

“I know,” she whispered. “I have to.”

My heart nearly broke. What was I doing? I straightened my back, resolved that this was the last visit. I would do whatever I needed to change the visitation if it was the last thing I did.

I took her small hand in mind and squeezed.

She glanced up, worry etched in her face.

“He’s only allowed to have you for two hours. Its 6:00pm now.” I pointed to the car’s clock. “I’ll be back to pick you up at 8:00pm. Just look at Dad’s clock on his stove and you can countdown the time, pretend it’s a game. How long can I put up with Dad?” I smiled, hoping to ease her concern, and mine. “I’ll be right down the street. If you need anything, you call me.” I held up my phone. “Okay?”

She nodded once and I got out and removed her from her car seat. A sick feeling of dread burned like a pile of hot rocks in my gut.

Annemarie clutched my hand and tugged me back just as we got to the front door. “Please Mommy, don’t make me. I hate it here. What if his friends come back like last time?”

When Annemarie came home with a bruise on her wrist after a visit a year ago, I’d asked what had happened. She said one of his friends was visiting and she’d accidently knocked over his drink. The man had grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her down to make her clean the floor.

After that incident, I’d taken Kevin back to court. They’d almost removed his visitation rights completely but as usual, Kevin cleaned up his act for a few hours and was able to smooth talk the court. He didn’t want Annmarie, he just wanted to punish me, and he knew the way to do it—hold our daughter for ransom.

The new order stated no one could be in the trailer while Annemarie was present but last month he hadn’t followed the decree. I’d been livid and called the police but once again was directed to the courts.

“If that happens,” I said, “you call me immediately, okay?”

“Okay,” she said quietly, squeezing my hand.

Before I could knock, Kevin swung the door open. I was surprised he was dressed better than usual. Maybe he was changing.

“It’s about damn time,” he said with a snarl. “Give me my daughter.”

Annmarie clung to my leg.

“Kevin, you’re scaring her.”

His gaze darted from me to Annmarie and back before squatting down. “Come here, Anna Banana.”

I smelled alcohol. “Are you drunk?” I whispered.

“No.” Before I could stop him, he scooped up Annemarie and pulled her away from me.

“Mommy,” she called, reaching out for me.

Kevin held her hands down and moved inside the trailer. “You’ll be fine with me, come on.”

“I’ll be back soon, remember, baby?” I swallowed my fear.

He glanced over his shoulders, his eyes holding an evil expression that had the hairs on my neck standing on end.

“Kevin, maybe we should come back tomorrow,” I said, reaching out toward Annmarie.

“Don’t make me call the cops, Laurel.”

I clenched my fists and held my breath, vowing again this would be the last time I would bring Annmarie here. I would do whatever it took to keep her from having to visit Kevin here, or hopefully anywhere.”

“I’ll be back at 8:00pm sharp,” I said. “I won’t be far away. Call me if she needs anything.” Before I could get the last word out, he slammed the door in my face, rattling the thin walls of his trailer. I stood and stared at the closed door for several moments, debating whether to knock it down and grab my daughter back.

Fearing what might happen, I walked back to my car, filled with dread and a pressing feeling that I’d just done something terribly wrong. Something that would change my life forever.

I awoke on the bed with a start in a cold sweat. Someone was knocking on the door.

I shook my head and scrubbed a hand down my face. Where was I?

The knock came again.

I glanced around the unfamiliar room. “Um, just a minute.”

“Laurel, it’s Fiona,” she said.

I sat straight up and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked so different than my old self that I barely recognized my image. Miller had done a good job changing my looks.

Miller.

Slowly I remembered where I was and what I was here to do. 

I slid off the bed and walked to the door, slowly pulling it open.

Fiona stood next to a small boy about three feet tall with light brown hair and big blue eyes. He had to be Callum. 

“Hi,” he said, his face splitting into a huge grin.

I squatted down. “Hi.” I held out my hand. “You must be Callum.”

“Yes, I am.” He grasped my hand shook it vigorously. “You’re Laurel.”

I smiled at his Scottish accent.

He pointed to my mouth. “You have pretty teeth.”

His direct comment reminded me of Annemarie. She’d always been so matter-of-fact. I swallowed down the well of emotions. I had to keep it together. For everyone, including this little boy.

I smiled wider. “Thank you. I brush them twice a day.”

“Me too,” he said, dropping my hand and touching his chest with one finger.

“You have nice teeth too.”

“Thank you.” His shoulders rolled back in pride.

“Did you know I traveled 5,000 miles to meet you.”

“Wow,” he exclaimed. “That’s a long way.”

“Texas is a long way from here.”

“I thought you lived in California,” Fiona said.

God, I’d blown it, again. “Well, I, um…I had a layover in Texas,” I said, praying she wouldn’t see my nervousness. I directed my attention back to Callum. “I can’t wait to hang out with you. We can play games and go outside and go swimming.”

“Swimming,” he exclaimed. “You’re going to swim with me?”

“Oh yes, I’m an excellent swimmer.”

His smile fell as his head dropped to his chest. “I don’t know how to swim,” he said quietly.

“Then I’ll teach you, as soon as we get some bathing suits.”

He threw himself at me, nearly knocking me off my feet as his small arms wrapped around my neck. 

I smiled and squeezed him tightly, memories of Annmarie flooding my mind. This was what I needed, a respite from the terror I was living in. 

I sat him back from me and stood, taking his hand. “Come on. Let’s go downstairs and get something to eat. I’m hungry.”

Callum nodded. “Me too.” He skipped along beside me as we walked toward the staircase. 

“I’ve never seen him take a fancy to anyone like he just did to you,” Fiona said, butting up next to me. “It’s like I said, Laurel.”

When she didn’t continue, I turned and stared at her. “What?”

Her blue eyes sparkled with joy. “Maybe you were meant to be here after all.”

After dinner, Callum took me on his own tour of the castle. I didn’t bother to tell him Fiona had pointed out most things, I just let him lead me around, happy to be in the company of a child again.

 As his small hand pulled me to each room, I smiled, reminded of the feel of Annemarie’s fingers intertwined in mine.

By the time I returned to my room later that evening, my things had arrived. Too tired to unpack, I walked to the window and glanced up at the sky. It was dark out and the night was littered with hundreds of stars.

I thought I’d miss the city, but standing here, in this huge castle in the middle of nowhere, I had to admit that being country where the constellations were bright and visible, it was nice. Or as nice as it could be given my circumstances.

“I miss you sweetie,” I whispered, tracing my fingertip against the window

Waiting for a few minutes, as if anticipating hearing her voice, I gave up and turned toward the bed. I lifted the heavy covers and crawled in, not even bothering to undress. I hoped that my dreams would be better in this new country, but as I drifted off to sleep the darkness consumed me. Again.